My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Randomize
