You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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