im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
