I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Two words: nipple clamps
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