Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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