two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
