did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
