He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
