She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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