textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
soo... how was my night?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
