Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
