god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
