I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize