my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Randomize
