the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
