Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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