I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
