News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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