Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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