And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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