I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
