We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
