my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
