that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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