she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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