dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
