dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
