This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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