The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
