Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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