He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I touched a dick in church today
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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