Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
