i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
