You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Randomize
