and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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