I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
