my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I am midnight drunk by noon
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
