Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
