he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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