my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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