my phone needs a breathalizer
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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