THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Girls should come with a carfax report
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
