I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
