Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
