im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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