Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
