I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
