last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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