I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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