Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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