I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
