1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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