The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize