There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
