i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i just wanna soil my oats bro
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Randomize
