operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
