She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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