It's like God shit irony all over that family
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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