I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Holy sore nipples Batman
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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