Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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