my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
