A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
