Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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