porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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