Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
