Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
