put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
