I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
