I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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