The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
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