theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
