i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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